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Good news... and bad...


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#1 ravajack

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 11:27 AM

A New York attorney called his client, a wealthy art collector:
"Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied:
"You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
"Well, I met with your wife today," the lawyer said, "and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could be right."
"Holy cow! Well done!" Saul replied enthusiastically.
"My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
"The pictures are of you and your secretary."
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#2 Dave Crevie

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 01:06 PM

That's OK. My wife won a bunch of money on the lottery, and bought two tickets to Epcot. I said, "Oh, boy. I'll start packing". She asked, "Where are you going?"

 

To make matters worse, I met the mailman at the door to collect my mail. He was in great spirits, so I asked, "What's up?" He said he was going to Epcot.


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#3 John Luongo

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 01:29 PM

ole rodney dangerfield had great lines as well. "for vacation, my wife said take me someplace i have never been. so i took her to the kitchen".


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#4 mreibman

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 01:36 PM

I came home and asked my wife what she'd do if I won the lottery.

She said, "I'd take half and leave you!"

 

I replied, "Ok. Here's $12. Get out!"


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#5 Dave Crevie

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 03:23 PM

Lots of wife jokes out there. Some are too close to home.

 

I went into a bar one night, and a guy came up to me and wanted to know if I had any nude pictures of my wife. I said "No". He asked if I wanted to buy some.

 

More wife zingers in here;

 

https://youtu.be/7Gf...iFJVf7mnt6CrErk

 

Where did all the great old comedians go?


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#6 John Luongo

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Posted 21 February 2024 - 06:13 PM

george carlin and sam kinison come to mind


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#7 Dave Crevie

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Posted 22 February 2024 - 10:03 AM

Gallagher was one of my favorites. He just passed about a year ago. Back in the late 1970's and 1980's, a good friend of mine had a brother who owned a comedy club on River Road in Rosemont, IL. It was called the Maroon Racoon. Gallagher was just starting out, and regularly played there. So much so that many patrons thought he was a house act. He had a part of his act that involved smashing watermelons and other fruit with a huge mallet he called the "Sledge-o-matic". People who knew his act would show up with large garbage bags and sheets of clear plastic to shield themselves from the "shrapnel".

 

https://youtu.be/r7sXEUmdryk?si=ydXm9-dupAuqdGs0 


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#8 Mr. M

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Posted 23 February 2024 - 06:24 PM

I saw him here in Melbourne FL. Much to the chagrin of the auditorium staff, the Sledge o Magic reached far into the balcony. He was not asked back! It was quite a show and the front rows were covered in plastic drop cloths which did not help much either.


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#9 Dave Crevie

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Posted 24 February 2024 - 09:32 AM

When the Apollo opened in Chicago, Gallagher was one of the first acts booked. He played a Friday and Saturday night. He was already popular in this area, and filled the venue. They held him over for the next three nights, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. 

 

My friend invited Al Franken to see him at the "Racoon". Franken hired him for SNL.

 

It seems everyone had an opinion of Gallagher, all different. He rose to the top during a period when "abrasive" humor was popular. His approach was, should I say, unusual.  







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