Jump to content




Photo

Are they really jokes? You be the judge


272 replies to this topic

#51 Dave Crevie

Dave Crevie

    Posting Leader

  • Full Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,396 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 09

Posted 05 July 2020 - 08:17 AM

A year ago I would never have thought that what I would be buying for protection would be something to cover my nose.






#52 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 05 July 2020 - 03:19 PM

Screen Shot 2020-07-05 at 3.18.08 PM.png

 

Screen Shot 2020-07-05 at 3.17.10 PM.png

 

Screen Shot 2020-07-05 at 3.16.40 PM.png

 

Screen Shot 2020-07-10 at 3.33.07 PM.png

 

Screen Shot 2020-07-11 at 3.37.53 PM.png


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#53 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 11:07 AM

Capacitators.jpg

 

Lizzie Borden.jpg


  • NSwanberg, SpeedyNH and Shruska55 like this

Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#54 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 11:30 AM

Unemployment Application.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#55 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 12:24 PM

Save this for the next time you need it:

 

"Sorry I can't today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died; and yes it was tragic."


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#56 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 03:19 PM

Jam Packed.jpg


  • Pappy likes this

Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#57 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 05:29 PM

Durex Condom advertising:

 

Durex.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#58 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 06:28 PM

Alien Abductions At Night.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#59 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 07:33 PM

Almost Wreck.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#60 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 06 July 2020 - 07:43 PM

Archie Slot Racing.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#61 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 07 July 2020 - 02:44 PM

"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words (usually plays on words), such as "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless." 

 

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile. Here are some past winners and runners-up. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.


  • SpeedyNH likes this

Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#62 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 07 July 2020 - 07:49 PM

Packers jersey.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#63 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 08 July 2020 - 09:39 AM

Insensitive corn flakes.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#64 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 08 July 2020 - 02:43 PM

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven. God welcomes him in and says "Hey! Welcome! Great to have you! Anything you need, anything you want, just ask!"

 

"Hey, thanks God!" he replies. "Can you tell me the truth about the Kennedy assassination?"
 
God says "Absolutely! Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone, assassinated President John Kennedy using a Carcano Model 91/38 infantry rifle with a telescopic sight."
 
The man looks at God and, after a pause, says "This goes higher up than I thought."

  • NSwanberg likes this

Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#65 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 08 July 2020 - 03:38 PM

Knock Knock Jokes.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#66 SpeedyNH

SpeedyNH

    Old Engineer

  • Subscriber
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 574 posts
  • Joined: 18-July 15
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Cow Hampshire

Posted 08 July 2020 - 03:50 PM

they could at least spel it right. 


  • NSwanberg likes this
Steve Lang

#67 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 08 July 2020 - 07:04 PM

Spelling is largely ignored in the world of memes.


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#68 Bill from NH

Bill from NH

    Age scrubs away speed!

  • Full Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 11,451 posts
  • Joined: 02-August 07
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New Boston, NH

Posted 08 July 2020 - 08:13 PM

The spelling is okay, they just chose the wrong word.   they're, their, there...


  • vfr750 and NSwanberg like this

Bill Fernald
 

I intend to live forever!  So far, so good.  :laugh2:  :laugh2: 


#69 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 08 July 2020 - 11:06 PM

July 7th.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#70 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 09 July 2020 - 11:57 AM

Problem with Facebook.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#71 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 09 July 2020 - 12:49 PM

Escher's Pub.jpg

 

Dog Trophies.jpg


  • NSwanberg likes this

Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#72 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 09 July 2020 - 02:49 PM

At the risk of making a negative post....

 

Screen Shot 2020-07-09 at 2.46.13 PM.png

 

With jokes like that, I'll be charged with something!!!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A man goes to a night club with a pair of jumper cables around his neck and the doorman says "I can't let you in you might start something."

 


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#73 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 09 July 2020 - 03:33 PM

Tell me a joke.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#74 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 10 July 2020 - 09:24 AM

Kenny Logins.png


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.


#75 MG Brown

MG Brown

    Grand Champion Poster

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,835 posts
  • Joined: 16-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Cumberland Plateau - Known locally as "Paradise"

Posted 10 July 2020 - 10:42 AM

Used body Parts.jpg


Sure I have a retirement plan, I plan to build and race slot cars.






Electric Dreams Online Shop